What He Can't Forgive
by TheGladElf
Summary: Season 5B spec. All the way on the other side of the gates of hell, on the side that means home, Killian finds that there are some grudges he will never let go of. Love cannot heal a wound if love is gone.


_Go, I'll be right behind you._

And she was right behind him, crashing through the portal from hell onto the ground next to him. Killian groaned, trying to catch his breath and waiting for the stars above him to stop spinning. The stars. He missed them in the Underworld. Not as much as he had missed the woman next to him though.

"Bloody hell, Swan," he said. "You did it." He turned his head when Emma didn't answer, slightly surprised that she wasn't all over him like the last time. "Emma?"

Emma wasn't breathing.

Killian rolled, shaking her with his good hand. "Emma? Love, wake up."

How could this be happening? She was right behind him. Hades couldn't keep her. She entered the Underworld alive and unless she agreed to stay willingly, she could leave when she wanted. He would be the tricky one to get out. That was the only reason he had agreed to go first.

But she lay there, pale and lifeless, even though he pressed his lips to hers. She looked peaceful, her face relaxed and almost happy as he pulled her into his arms, knowing what she'd done. What this meant.

She promised.

"Damn it, Emma Swan, do you dare do this."

She promised they would fix this. They would make this right. They would start their future, together, as soon as they were back in Storybrooke.

Had she broken that promise to save him?

He caressed her cheek, remembering what she'd taught him to forget. Remembering how it felt to be the one left behind. The one living on. And he could forgive her for dragging him into the Darkness with her. For taking his memories and manipulating him. But this? Robbing him of her smile and her laugh and the way she said his name? He could forgive her for everything else, but not this. Hell, he could do all of it all over again, take on the bloody Darkness (the right way this time, he'd knew he had the strength now) if that would save her. But he couldn't do this. Not again.

Behind him, he heard a strangled cry as her parents sorted out whatever had distracted them—each other probably—and noticed that Emma had not escaped unscathed. How long had it been since they came through? A minute? An hour? The portal still swirled, just feet from them.

Mary Margaret fell to her knees beside Killian and he surrendered Emma to her mother's arms.

Anger burned through him. Rage turning his vision red as he rocked back on his heels.

David looked up, tears coursing down his cheeks. "Hook, where are you going?"

"To get her back," Killian growled, "and burn hell to the ground in the process." He turned to the portal, right before it gave one last pulse and disappeared, the shockwave knocking Killian flat on his ass again. He rolled to his feet, curses springing to the tip of his tongue. Hades, the bloody bastard. If he thought-

A sharp gasp derailed his thoughts.

"I'm okay," came Emma's ragged voice. "I'm okay."

Killian collapsed, boneless with relief. Someone—David, probably—squeezed his shoulder. He heard the squeak of leather against leather, and an unmanly sob before a scuffle ensued.

"Where is he? Where's-"

"Right here, love." The words were tired, broken things. He sat up, just in time for Emma to come crashing down on him, her arms a vice around him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Hades...He tried…"

"Shhh," Killian said, holding her close enough that her heartbeat pounded against his ribs. His fingers tangled in her hair, loose and wheat gold again. "It's alright now."

Emma nodded, her cheekbone sharp against the tender flesh of his neck. A sigh turned to a hiccup which turned into a sob. "We did it," she said, her voice muffled in his jacket. "You're here." Or at least, that's what it sounded like.

Killian's heart shattered as the last bit of Darkness was expelled, leaking out in the tears on his face. He never wanted to relive that terrifying moment ever again. Wasn't particularly keen to let Emma go ever again either, though he knew he would have to at some point. Gravel crunched behind them as the others gave them time and space.

Gods, time and space.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again and this time, Killian knew it wasn't about scaring them all.

And this time, he had an answer for her.

"All sins can be forgiven, love," he said, pulling away so he could look into her eyes, thumb brushing away the tears. "And I love you, Emma Swan, no matter what."

"I love you too," she said, a watery smile gracing her lips.

She stood and Killian followed, stepping back into her embrace as soon as his feet were under him.

"We should go home," she said.

His throat still a little tight, he said, "Aye. Home."

Killian's heart flip-flopped. Home. With Emma. Who despite everything still wanted a home with him. He deserved far worse and she far better, but they had still managed to find each other. Time and again, they managed. Perhaps her father's family trait theory carried some merit.

Neither of them moved. Not just yet. They had time now, they could take their time getting home.


End file.
